"I'm Uncomfortable"

A few nights ago, my lovely little wife rolled over to me in bed and said "I'm uncomfortable". Naturally I asked if she wanted another pillow, blankets, if she was hot/cold, etc. - all the things a guy should say in this situation according to page 57 of the man's guide to women handbook. Then she repeated, "I'm uncomfortable ..." with a pause, "... I'm uncomfortable with life."

What she was meaning is that she had grown uneasy with this world, with the way things were going, with what was happening around us and to us and the fact that we generally felt helpless in our attempts to stop it and to correct the various evil deeds.

It has been a crazy summer and really a crazy year since we have been married. Every morning we wake up and mentally gird ourselves against the things that might bring us and our spirits down that day, and it seems lately that every day or at least every other something happens.

Every morning I remind myself that the sun is still shining, that I have a beautiful wife and two annoying little kittens, that I have an education, that I have my health, that I have my family - and I use this as a quick meditation to start the day. Unfortunately, even though the sun shines, bad things still happen to good people and some people never understand how much their actions have consequences and how they can affect other people. It is on those days that I try desperately to reach out for God.

I have realized my state of affairs, and maybe it is because of that that I reach for God. I have abandoned my faith in men and women and I am hoping that it will find something at a higher level to sustain me.

Today is a different day. Today I believe that my overshooting faith has finally found something. Today I realized that my little meditation that i say in my head every morning actually is a statement of blessing. I am blessed. I do have a wonderful wife and two annoying kittens. I do have an education. I do have my health. I do have family that supports me. I do have friends that I am loyal to, and friends that are loyal to me (quality not quantity!), most of all ... I do have faith - I must learn to never lose sight of that.

I woke up today and the sun was shining.


"I have reason to believe
that I have victories to taste
I can feel them on my teeth
Upon my lips and in my chest
I can roll them on my tongue
They are more supple than defeat
i feel the tension in my lungs
and every move is fueled by my resolve to...
BREATHE!"
- Chris Carrabba

Thanks to Jon, here's a post for Comic Fans around the world.

1) Transformers the movie is coming out. Don't believe me? Check out the trailer.
http://imdb.com/title/tt0418279/trailers

2) The sequel to Batman Begins is called "The Dark Knight" starring Christian Bale and Heath Ledger as The Joker.

3) Marvel: Civil War comics, if you don't know what is going on - ask Jon Sinclair because he led me to this little nugget of gold.

Okay, now I am going to take off my geek hat and write a real post.

movie recommendation

if you are feeling like a good heart-warming movie, rent "Dear Frankie" - it is a dandy and you will not be disappointed. Excellent cast featuring Emily Mortimer (i believe she is also in Matchpoint) and Gerard Butler (who graced the screen as the Phantom in last year's Phantom of the Opera). It is a movie full of thick Scottish accents so it might take a while to catch on what they are actually saying, but once you do you will be delighted.

the next step

So it is a gloomy may day (whatever happened to April showers ending at the end of April?) and the sidewalks are fairly empty around my work, which is surprising but believable - hence the weather.

Anyways, I have decided to take a few minutes to tackle the topic of conversation that seems to beat around my head constantly the past few days - the next step.

Four years of university have passed and Kingston has been good to me. Great friends, memories, weather, a lovely wife and a little family (2 kittens: Yoda who is now 8 months old and Maximus who is a measly 31/2 months old and about half the size of Yoda, but a terror no less.)

Lauren and I will both be staying in Kingston for one more year (Lauren is doing her B.Ed, I am taking some courses, working, writing music, etc.) We have officially started making plans for a trip to Europe next summer. If everything goes well, we will travel/backpack for a month over there. I can't wait. The thought of being places that are hundreds and thousands of years old blows my mind. I can't wait to scale the Scottish countryside, or have lunch by Hadrian's Wall or wish for good luck at the feet of Marcus Aurelius or enjoy the nightlife in Paris and Barcelona. These are places that I have studied about for 4 years and now have a chance to dive into it. We will probably only stick to the north/western side of Europe with hopefully a venture down to Rome, Venice and The Vatican, although if the money holds out a trip to Athens and Sparta would also be on the timetable.

Besides that trip which is consuming my mind currently, I have plans to apply to grad schools and law schools both here in Canada as well as the UK and Ireland.

Musically I find myself at a crossroads. For 2 1/2 years I have had the privilege to be a part of Seven Year Sunrise (listen to some tunes if you want at garageband.com/artist/sevenyearsunrise or myspace.com/7ys), a good ol' rock band here at Queen's. the 4 remaining members of the band have all moved on to different things, accepting jobs here and there and embarking on the 'next steps' of their own lives and I wish all the best to each of them. But for myself, the question arises whether my destiny is fulfilled jamming out in my family room or do the songs that come warrant a larger audience. Only time will tell.

To all my friends abroad and afar (Bolivia, Guyana, UK, British Columbia, Ukraine, the Maritimes and other parts of this great nation) I wish you all the best and hope to see you soon.

Curtis

PS. I will post a little pic of Maximus Jeffs, whom we affectionately call 'the monster max'.

... more bonfire pictures

The End of the Dude Ranch ... please don't call the fire department on us Tea Lady!

Ok all, so it has been quite some time since I have 'blogged', but life has been busy. This, my first in a series of new blogs, is meant to tell a tale about one final night at 58 Centre Street. The situation was this. We were leaving the dirty hole that was the Dude Ranch (although some of us had left a year earlier, but returned for one last night), and noticed that we still had an excessive amount of wood in our garage and one empty fire pit in the backyard. Our fire pit, maybe 4 square feet at max was used to burn this wood, desks, coffee tabls, beds, posters, lecture notes and if we weren't too careful - blades of grass. I must say that it was a surreal night full of many fond stories of years past, goodbyes and hopes for the future to come. If I had my way, I would assemble the same group every summer for the rest of our lives - if I had my way (which means that I need to get rich so that I can buy the best summer spot ever and pay for everyone to fly back in).

Anyways, if I can figure out how, I will put up a bunch of pictures from that night, pictures of the many faces and smiles that have made 4 years seem like a lifetime and a moment all at once, and the most wonderful lifetime/moment at that.

Thank you all.
curtis

a few Bohemian words to leave lying around

There's only us
There's only this
Forget regret or Life is yours to miss
No other road
no other way
No day but today

There's only now
There's only here
Give in to love
Or live in fear
No other path
No other way

No day but today

-- rent (finale b)


--- to all of my friends, companions and colleagues who are wrapping up their undergraduate degrees this week, I wish you all the best in your next steps and adventures and hopefully life will cross our lives again soon. Congrats and God Bless...

My day as the GM of the Toronto Maple Leafs

So as the 2005-06 season comes to a close for the Maple Leafs (mathematically speaking they still have a chance at the post-season), I have decided to take a few minutes and give you my ideas for the 2006-07 edition.

Players returning and salaries (my guesses at least):

Mats Sundin - 6m
Darcy Tucker - 1.5m
Jeff O'Neill - 1.25m
Alex Steen - 450,000 (rookie contract)
Matt Stajan - 450,000 (rc)
Kyle Wellwood - 450,000 (rc)
Alexei Ponikarovsky - 500,000 (?)
Tie Domi - 1.25m
Tomas Kaberle - 4.25m
Mikael Tellqvist - 450,000

Totalling: 16.55 million
> This gives us just under 30 million to add 5 D, 4 forwards and a #1 goaltender

Goaltending Scenario
1. Sign a guy like Curtis Joseph for a one-year, financially simple contract around the 1-2million range and hope that a combination of he and a tellqvist/aubin can handle the 82 games.
2. Package one of your goaltending propects (Pogge or Rask), draft pick(s), roster player(s) and ship them off to Florida for Roberto Luongo - sign him long-term for around 6million a year and make him your franchise goalie for the next 10 years.

Financial Commitment: 2-6 million, depending on scenario; bringing total to either 18.55m or 22.55

Defencemen Scenario
1. The Leafs said that they had set aside 9 million for both Kaberle and McCabe (Kaberle signed for 4.25, leaving 4.75 for McCabe). Offer that to McCabe for a few years, if he takes it you have your 1-2 dmen, if he walks you quickly go after either Zdeno Chara or Wade Redden from Ottawa, offering 5m-ish to either.

FC: with McCabe (23.3m or 27.3m); with Chara or Redden (23.55 or 27.55)

2. It is now time for the Leafs to go out and get a LEGIT 3-4 defencemen. The man we should grab is Jay McKee who will be looking to make around 2million next year.
FC: with McCabe (25.3 or 29.3); with C or R (25.55 or 29.55)

3. What about the remaining 3 D spots. Well I highly doubt that we will see Khananov or Berg (possible retirement) back in a Leafs uniform and the same could be said for Wade Belak. Luke Richardson is a question mark only because I don't know what time he has left on his contract, if he is around for another year, it would be for no more than 2 million - leaving 2-3 D spots for the rookies to battle out for (Kronwall, White, Bell, Harrison, Wozniewski, and Coliacovo)

FC: add 2 million for Richardson and 1.35m for 3 rookie contracts, for a total of 3.35 million.

FC: with McCabe (28.65 or 32.65); with Chara/Redden (28.9 or 32.9)

Forward Scenario:
Well there appears to be 4 spots open on the roster for next year (5 if Jeff O'Neill retires). Possibilities from this year's team: Jason Allison, Nik Antropov, Eric Lindros, Clark Wilm, and Chad Kilger. Out of these I believe it is time to say farwell to Allison and Antropov. Allison was only on a one-year deal and did his job, but this is a quicker NHL that seems to flow around him. As for Antropov (restricted free-agent), I believe the experiment with the big Kaszak is over and it is time to either deal him or do not qualify him, making him an unrestricted free agent.

Lindros, Wilm and Kilger deserve contracts back with the Buds; Lindros and Kilger will get contracts between 1 and 1.5 m. Wilm will see a contract around 800,000, fitting him in as the 12th/13th forward.
Total for the 3: 3.3million

FC: with McCabe (31.95 or 35.95); Chara/Redden (32.2 or 36.2)

You might ask , we need one more forward and yes we do. Finally we need a winger for Sundin, someone who can convert all of the Swede's magnificent passes, my answer is Patrick Elias of the New Jersey Devels. Elias will probably demand around 4.5-5m. Lets give him 5m for numbers sake.

FC: with McCabe (36.95 or 40.95); Chara/Redden (37.2 or 41.2)

> Other forward inclusions could be anybody from Ben Ondrus to John Pohl. These Marlies have proven that they can play.


One last financial detail is to add Ed Belfour's buyout at 1.5 million.

FINAL FC Totals:
with McCabe (38.45 or 42.45); Chara/Redden (38.7 or 42.7)

This will leave anywhere from 3.3 - 7.55 million available for any deadline deals.


POSSIBLE LINEUP:

Elias-Sundin-Ponikarovsky
Tucker-Lindros-Kilger
Steen-Wellwood-O'Neill
Domi-Stajan-Wilm/Ondrus/Pohl

Kaberle - McCabe/Chara/Redden
McKee - Rookie
Richardson - Rookie

Luongo - Aubin

Angels and Airwaves

To all you Blink-182 fans out there, there is a new band around the corner. Tom Delonge, guitar player for Blink has a new band called Angels and Airwaves and I think there is one song on their website that you can check out. Very good tune, it will keep your head bobbing.

c.

www.angelsandairwaves.com